I’ve just come back from Orlando — and, more importantly, the Orlando airport — where large stuffed children and dolphins can be found in great supply. (Okay, not really children but it made me laugh at least.)

At least five times, I heard parents say “good job!” when their child did some normal task like put back the pole they knocked over or removed that tape between the poles that tell us all where to wait for an hour in a queue.

Several months ago, I found myself part of the Good Job Club, and did I ever annoy the hell out of myself. I seemed to say it for everything. Good job that you found a wooden spoon, good job that you spoke a word, good job that you did a good job, good job that you didn’t eat the cat vomit. What led me to start saying this all the time? Was it because I’d heard it said by parents all over America? Do we say “good job” so our children will have high self esteem? What started this habit?

On my search for answers and more questions, I came across “5 Reasons to Stop Saying Good Job” by Alfie Kohn. Two of them are that we create praise junkies and we steal a child’s pleasure in performing a task.

I agree with those two reasons. You can read the article and find out what Kohn says, so I’ll only add that I think those words are empty. We say them without putting much thought into them the same way we ask “how are you?” without really expecting an answer. Our child offers us her damp cheerio and we say “good job” because she can hold it and pass it. When a child does something, she does it for herself. She doesn’t learn to walk because we want her to and she doesn’t learn to talk because we want her to. These tasks are perfectly normal and not to be congratulated.

However, I see no problem with *recognizing* someone doing something. When I want to recognize what my daughter has done, I’ll say: “you said ‘light'” and smile and so on.

My husband and I removed ourselves from the Good Job Club. When we slip up, we remind each other by saying something like, “Good job eating that taco!” or “Good job driving!” and are reminded of the absurdity of the phrase. And we laugh and remember not to use those empty words.

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Thank you to Dan Nester for posting this link of Rilke translations by Anne Boutelle.

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Today, I carried a shoulder bag, a backpack, an 18-pound baby, and a 20-pound car seat through two large airports and on and off various shuttles, escalators, and elevators. And I somehow managed to feed myself, entertain the tot, and feed the tot and hold a conversation with a six-year-old, who liked making chicken noises to make Olive laugh. (He told me he had three brothers and one lived in heaven, because he died in his mommy’s belly.) I didn’t use a cart so I feel like Super Woman. BIG MISTAKE: Do not give baby a toy while waiting in line for an hour at Southwest. She will then drop the toy and force you to squat. It’s easy to get down and not so easy to get up with the additional 40 lbs of weight. The only reason I could do such a thing was pilates.

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Southwest Airlines Rant: WHY do they force senior citizens and people with children to wait in the verrrrry long line instead of letting us do the express check-in? When traveling with a lap baby, one has to fill out the “death card” so if the plane crashes, they can account for everyone on board. It would seem better if they could put us both in the system with the “death card” attached to our accounts so we don’t have to fill out the same exact form every time we fly. Rant over.