1. Epistle to the Guggenheim Foundation
2. Everyone Was Chill
3. Sincere Voyeurism
4. Insincere Voyeurism
5. Why Women Matter
6. At the Grave of Mel Gibson
7. Ode to My Vacuum Cleaner
8. Ferns
9. Hate Speech
10. Chugging Ersters to Chincoteague
11. Bad Hair Day
12. 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall
13. The Voice in the Coffin
14. Iconic Landmarks of Germany
15. Self-Portrait in a Side-View Mirror
16. The Rubber Band That Lost Its Elasticity
17. Of High School and Heartbreak
18. Debbie Downer Doubles Down
19. Why I Am Not an Astronaut
20. Wife Studies
21. A Harmonica for Monica
22. The Love Song of William Jefferson Clinton
23. The Crime of the Ancient Mariner
24. One Fart
25. The Wizardry of Ozymandias
26. An Elegy for the U.S. Constitution
27. Why “Nothing” Matters
28. The Revolt of the Pronouns
29. Parasite Lost
30. Vowel Movements
31. Sullen Weedy Lakes
32. Gone with the Window Washer