De-violence-er
Cleavage Guard
Shirt of Absolute Truth
The Razor Glove, by Mennen
Airport Knife-Mailer Vending Machine
Thong Suspenders
Pocket Cheese
The Pocket Cheese Pocket Protector
Pants-on-a-stick
NCAA Bracket Un-buster
The Yarp
The Champagne Bong
Drunk Math
Crunk Math
Poetry Ear Balm
Ironic Pentameter
Fantasy Echo
TV Commercial Volume Leveler
Fizz Detector
Eames Chair Radar
Ulterior Modern
Heroic Couplet Bra
The Ghazal Strip
Cheese Bikini
The Sit-Down Comic
The Enjamber (comes in standard or jumbo size)
Bookie Cushion
Blog Spray
Insult Adhesive (even sticks to Teflon)
Floral-Scented Critic Be-Gone
Dangling Rearview Mirror Participles
Poetry Jail